The 5 Stages of Grief
by FireandIce128
Summary: Tadashi survived the fire. However, he lost a good chunk of his memory, including some of the most important events in his life. This takes quite a toll on him, and changes his life as well.
1. Denial

**Those of you who have taken psychology in high school and/or college are probably aware of the** **Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief. Though this model was initially created to highlight the emotional stages of someone's death, it was later expanded to include stages of other traumatic-related events in a person's life.  
**

 **In this case, Tadashi deals with the loss of memory after surviving the fire, and this affects his life a lot. This is a five-chapter story on how Tadashi goes through the stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Characters belong to Disney and/or Marvel.**

* * *

 **First Stage: Denial**

* * *

Fire.

Smoke.

Darkness.

Lack of oxygen.

Burnt smells.

Those were some of the last things he remembered when he first woke up in the hospital that night. What else can he remember? His head did hurt a lot that night. Did he hit something?

Tadashi tried so hard to remember, but to no avail. What happened? Why can't he remember anything significant?

It was Robert Callaghan's fault, they said.

Professor Callaghan, the nice man from the prestigious San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, his dream school. The man who invented magnetic bearing servos. He was the man who was the cause of this. He's the reason why he had these burn marks on his left arm, and a large scar on the side of his left cheek. Heck, he remembered meeting this kind man during a college tour. They both had a nice, long conversation.

 _He would never cause this. He wouldn't. He's an extremely kind man who looked happy to have met me. Even I felt the same._

He did not want to believe it. He couldn't believe it. Why would a brilliant man like Professor Callaghan put him in this situation?

 _What's the date today anyway? What?! How come the calendar says 2015? Shouldn't it say 2012?_

"What was the last thing you remember aside from the fire?" The doctor asked him slowly.

Here he was, sitting at a table in his aunt's cafe, while the doctor sat on the other end taking notes. The doctor was able to make a visit after closing hours, and the silence in the cafe was so tense that it could be felt. His aunt and his brother were standing behind the counter, watching nervously. The expression on Hiro's face shows it all. As a matter of fact, Tadashi noticed something different about Hiro for awhile.

 _Something about Hiro looks much older. What the hell? How long was I out for?_

Whatever, at least he wasn't in the hospital anymore. Now time to answer the doctor's question.

"I remember physics class ending," Tadashi answered slowly, "Some of my friends and I came to eat here at the cafe."

"Anything else?" The doctor asked curiously.

"We were talking about how glad we were that we got our test over with," Tadashi answered as he tried to recall that specific memory, "We also talked about how we were looking forward to summer vacation. I actually introduced them to you, Aunt Cass."

Seeing how Tadashi turned his head toward her, Aunt Cass was stricken with worry. Hiro looked at her as well and shared the same look. The last time Tadashi took physics was in his junior year of high school.

"Who were these friends, Tadashi?" Aunt Cass asked him.

"Hmmm let's see," he thought, "There was Peter, Luke, Natalie, and I think Susan was there too."

"Your high school friends?" Aunt Cass spoke, sounding alerted.

"Uh, yeah," Tadashi noticed a weird look erupting on the faces of his aunt and brother.

"Tadashi," Hiro spoke, "Do names like Fred or GoGo ring a bell?"

 _Who?_

Tadashi shook his head slowly. He was confused.

"Honey Lemon? Wasabi? Baymax?"

Tadashi continued shaking his head.

This time, it was the doctor's turn to ask, "I have a question for you: What year is it?"

"2012... Why?"

He saw his brother and his aunt exchanging worried glances, and his doctor gave him the same look as well.

 _This can't be good._

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Tadashi..." The doctor spoke in a tone that panicked him, "We've been diagnosing some cognitive problems in regards to your mental health for about a week now, and it looks like what you have may be permanent."

The second half of that sentence killed him.

"... What do you mean?" He asked the doctor, hoping for another answer rather than the obvious.

"It's 2015, Tadashi," The doctor told him.

He looked back at the calendar, still hoping that it has a typo and that he misheard the doctor. Whatever else the doctor has to say, he wasn't prepared to hear it.

"You have suffered a permanent memory impairment," the doctor continued, "All the memory from that day at the cafe until the fire, it's gone."

Then, it seemed like time froze. Tadashi felt the world around him stop, and he was the only one in motion.

"So... Three years of my life, gone?"

The doctor grabbed Tadashi's hand, "I'm sorry son."

Tadashi couldn't believe it.

 _This is all a dream. It can't be real. I'm going to wake up, and take the bus to school. Yeah, that's it. This is all a dream. Just a dream._

But if it was just a dream, why does it feel real? He can feel the doctor grabbing his hand. He can feel the intense looks of worry eliciting from his aunt and brother.

What if this WERE real?

Snatching his hand away from the doctor, he spoke, "What did I miss?"

His tone was neutral, showing no emotion. Though, he was practically hiding those emotions.

Hiro came walking to his older brother, looking at him with sympathy while his brother looked back with worry.

"Tadashi, you're a student from the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. You helped me get into that school."

 _What? As good as it may sound, how would I have what it takes to get into that school? When did I ever apply? And how did I help Hiro in? Shit, how did someone as young as him get in?_

"No, that can't be."

"You don't remember any of that?" His little brother asked him sadly.

 _He sounds older. Much older._

 _Not real. Not real. Not real._

"What are you talking about? What are you all talking about? I'm still in my junior year of high school damn it!"

Hiro flinched back from his brother's yells. That wasn't like his brother.

Aunt Cass came walking towards him, kneeling down and placing her hands on his shoulder, "I'm sorry sweetie."

Tadashi stood up, "No, this isn't happening."

He walked away from the table and up the stairs, while his family and the doctor looked at him solemnly.

He was hoping to finally wake up from this stupid dream.

 _That's right. This is just a stupid dream._

Before going into his room, he realized that he wanted to stop by the bathroom just to examine himself in the mirror.

Once he did, it made sense. No wonder why he felt heavier for some reason. He looked taller, definitely had a more physical built, and some broader facial characteristics. In addition, he had that scar on his cheek and the marks on his arm showing outside of the short-sleeved shirt he's wearing.

 _This is one heck of a dream._

But when he laid back on his bed, he couldn't fall asleep. Whatever dream this was, it felt too real. He just wants to wake up already.

Yet, he already feels awake.


	2. Anger

**Second Stage: Anger**

* * *

All he could see through the reflection of the mirror is his older self. It's been a week, and he still can't get over it. Those scars, those marks, he can bear having them, but his memory? Why?

A head trauma, the doctor said. Something about the explosion caused him to have knocked out. Either something fell on his head, or he flew and landed head first. How would he remember anyway?

GoGo, Wasabi, Honey Lemon, Fred, all good friends of his, according to his brother.

 _Looks like I'm going to have to meet them again._

And there was Baymax, one of his greatest creations. Boy, when Hiro introduced him to it, or him, Tadashi marveled over the incredible robot he built. It, or he, can scan you, tell you about your health, and even detect any signs of distress. Tadashi giggled on this inside when the robot "welcomed him back" after Hiro introduced him a week ago. A creation like Baymax probably took lots of hard work and motivation to have built.

 _Too bad I can't remember one fucking thing about it._

There were lots of good times he had these past three years, according to his aunt and brother. As if that made him feel better. What will it be like when he meets his "best friends" again? How could he rebuild those friendships?

And his brother, oh how he wish he could remember helping him get accepted to the San Fronsokyo Institute of Technology. Hiro made it sound like it was the best day of his life, and he thanked Tadashi for it. Moreover, much to Tadashi's delight, he was glad to hear that he helped grant his little brother's wishes. His whole life, he did whatever it took to take care of his little brother and guide him on a good path. He felt proud to hear that he helped Hiro to "never give up" when he had his doubts.

 _Again, I can't remember a damn thing about it._

It's kind of annoying actually. He's hearing all these good things that happened these past few years, but he can't remember them at all. It's all Callaghan's fault.

"Callaghan," he whispered to himself through gritted teeth.

He set the fire to steal his little brother's inventions. Boy did hearing that make him mad. Apparently it was a plan of revenge. Callaghan did that to get revenge on Krei, who apparently had something to do with the death of his daughter, who turns out was actually alive and rescued by an ambiguous group of heroes. _Like, what the hell?_

So basically, Tadashi himself almost died a useless death. Even worse, he was the one who ran into the burning building in an attempt to save that man's life. When Hiro told him this, his head hurt even more. How the hell did he view this man so highly, only to risk his life for no reason? His family and friends thought he was dead! Apparently, they thought he was dead for a month, until a call from the hospital confirming that he was alive sent Hiro and Aunt Cass to his hospital bed with tear-filled eyes. Was he really unconscious for a month?

Thank goodness he's alive, but goodbye to those three years of precious memories and important events. What's he going to do now? Reapply to a college he probably worked so hard for? He was probably lucky to have gotten accepted in the first place. But how can he apply back? He still feels like he's in high school. And how would he go back to high school without starting his later years over and making new friends?

 _Damn it Callaghan._

 _Damn you._

There was only one person to blame.

* * *

Out of all places in the city, the San Fransokyo Prison was the last place Tadashi would expect to have visited. The whole setting was awfully uncomfortable. Then again, didn't Hiro tell him that they were behind bars once? Something to do with an illegal bot-fighting incident? Either way, this place is unsettling. Just being inside a place with a rep of containing people with a bad history is pretty discomforting.

And one of those people was Professor Callaghan.

Here he was, sitting in the middle of a large empty room, with no one but a cop standing right outside the door. It was time to have a face to face conversation with the man who tainted his life. Seriously, he used to look up to this man? This man used to be his own professor? Thank goodness he didn't remember anything about this man, otherwise, this conversation would be tougher to have.

Finally, another cop from the opposite door came in, carrying the prisoner with him.

 _Professor Callaghan, in the flesh._ And Tadashi's eyes has never seemed any darker, as if the world's greatest sinner just walked in and Tadashi is already shunning him. As a matter of fact, he might as well be a demon himself.

Callaghan, with his hands still handcuffed, was seated on the opposite side of the table Tadashi was sitting. The cop didn't bother releasing those handcuffs, and Tadashi didn't mind at all.

Once the cop left the room, Tadashi and Callaghan sat there face to face. The awkward silence between them seem to have gone forever, because no one had anything to say for a good amount of time. Instead, Tadashi looked at him with such malice, while the professor found it hard to look back.

The professor himself knows he committed a foul act, and he didn't know where to start. Tadashi was one of his greatest pupils, and here he was. That scar on the left side of his cheek, it was because of him. What is Tadashi here for? To yell at him? To shun him? Either way, he suppose he deserves it.

"I don't know where to start Tadashi."

"Well you better fucking know."

The silence was interrupted and shots were fired. Callaghan looked at him eye to eye with a slight shock. That sentence, and the way he said it, didn't sound like it would come from Tadashi at all.

"I thought you were a good man Callaghan," Tadashi told him, "All we had was that one meeting during the college tour, and I thought you were a good man. Remember that? Cause that's all I remember."

Callaghan was slightly confused. Where was he headed with this?

"I lost all my memory from the end of my junior year of high school to that fire at the showcase," Tadashi said, surprising Callaghan even further and making him feel even more guilty.

" I can't remember the new friends I made," Tadashi continued, "I can't remember building Baymax. I can't remember helping Hiro get accepted to the school I've always dreamt of going to. Last but not least, I can't remember ever getting close to _you_ , Robert, and I can't believe I was even close to a bastard like _you_."

If it's something that shocked Callaghan more than ever before, it's the cold attitude that Tadashi's giving him. Needless to say, he does feel that he deserves it. He just found out the boy lost his memory, and it was all because of him.

"I just can't believe you," Tadashi spoke some more, "I've always wanted to help people when I grow up. I study hard and try to achieve many successes, only to wake up one day in a hospital and finding out that every success I made is forgotten. How am I suppose to start all over?"

Callaghan flinched, he can hear the tone of his voice getting harsher.

"How am I suppose to do that Robert?" His mind was teeming with emotions, "What am I gonna do? Start all over? Go back and redo the last three years of my life? Redo some of the most important events in my whole entire fucking life?"

Having enough of the guilt, Callaghan decided to respond, "Tadashi please, you have to understand."

"Understand what?!" Anger was evident in his voice.

"I wanted to avenge my daughter!" The ex-professor yelled back, "You don't know what it's like, living with the agony of your one and only child dead."

"So you decided to sacrifice my life for your plan of revenge?" Tadashi retaliated.

"I did not know you were in that building! I wasn't in the correct state of mind!"

"Oh like you care," he responded furiously, "You still committed your crime! And you know what pisses me off? You took my brother's invention and used it for you selfish acts! Moreover, I bet you didn't give a shit about how "my death" took a toll on my family! My friends! ME!"

No comment.

"And your daughter was alive the whole time for crying out loud! My "death" was just a waste! I'm surprised I'm still alive right now, but I always have this damn scar on my cheek to remember the other possibility!"

Callaghan settled his own emotions, for there was no way for him to win this argument. Tadashi clearly has the upper hand.

"All I can say is, I'm sorry."

It was really all Callaghan can say.

 _"Sorry" is not going to change anything. The damage has been done._

Tadashi was not done with the conversation yet. "It's too late for that now, don't you think?"

Once again, no comment.

"I knew it," Tadashi continued, "You're a disgrace. You're selfish. You're cruel. I bet your daughter is disappointed with having an ass of a father like you."

"That's enough," Callaghan spoke, that last part of that sentence offending him, "I'm done with this conversation."

"Well I'm not."

"Say what you want to say Tadashi, I'm not answering anymore."

With Tadashi's blood boiling and his hand curled into a fist, within a second, that fist hit Callaghan's face out of nowhere. It was an involuntary action, and Tadashi couldn't control it. Callaghan felt like he could have fell out of his chair. Seconds later, the cops rushed in the room, escorting Tadashi out and Callaghan back to his cell.

The whole thing happened so quickly, and both Tadashi and Callaghan were too stunned to even pay attention to what was going on.

As Callaghan was escorted back to his cell, he can taste the blood in his mouth. Tadashi was truly dead, because the young man he just met wasn't Tadashi. He really did kill Tadashi, and he's going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.

As for Tadashi, once he walked out of the prison and took the bus home, he was still surprised by what went on.

But for some reason, he felt glad he did it, even if he hurt someone.

* * *

It was really dark outside, and Tadashi finally made it home. As he went into his bedroom to hang his coat and hat, Hiro was there, just preparing for bed.

"Hey bro! Where'd you go all day?"

"Nowhere."

And with that, Tadashi went to take a shower.

Hiro sighed. Not only did he just lie to him, but his brother seems like a totally different person now. What are his friends going to think?

For Hiro, this new Tadashi is breaking his heart. He didn't seem like his brother.


	3. Bargaining

**Stage 3: Bargaining**

* * *

Fred and Wasabi are two very interesting people, and being with the both of them right now was definitely amusing. Tadashi himself needed to reconnect with his "best friends" again, and thank goodness Fred set this up. It's always nice to be able to hang out with guy friends. It just allows for guys to be guys. Soon though, GoGo and Honey Lemon will show up.

"That burger is good, isn't it dude?" Fred asked.

"Oh definitely," Tadashi responded. It indeed was a really good burger. Then again, what else can they talk about right now? After a few hours of walking through the mall visiting videogame and electronic stores, and listening to Fred go on and on about superheroes in comic book stores, the three decided to enjoy a meal in the food court.

"This is one of our casual spots whenever the three of us hang," Wasabi told him, "The burger and vanilla shakes here are an addiction."

"Don't forget the spicy chicken fries!" Fred added, "Always a must-order!"

Rolling his eyes, Wasabi spoke, "Yeah, and you end up having to go the bathroom immediately after."

"I mean you could have invented something to fix that problem," Fred replied in a mock tone, "But whenever I think of something, you always claim it's _not science_."

"Dude! You never come up with anything science-related! Like remember that time when you were talking about creating an invisible sandwich?"

"I mean wouldn't that be awesome?! Like I said, people will think you're crazy looking like you're eating something, but you actually are eating something."

Tadashi giggled lightly at Wasabi and Fred going on and on about their particular topics. These two were very nice and funny, but it still pains him that Tadashi can't remember becoming friends with them. For the past few hours, it felt like he was following them around and trying to engage in casual conversations.

They were his best friends, but he finds it hard to talk with them without feeling forced to. It hurts to see how easy it is for Fred and Wasabi to talk to each other. Clearly they had formed a bond over the years, even if they both lack similar personalities. If Tadashi never had lost his memories, it would have been so easy to talk with them right now.

As he finished his burger, Tadashi tried to engage in more conversations. "So, Wasabi, how did we end up calling you _Wasabi_ all the time? Just cause you spilled Wasabi on your shirt?" He asked jokingly with a smile, though that topic was all he can think of to keep the conversation going on.

"Yes, and this guy right here was the one who encouraged it!" Wasabi shouted in a pretend-anger tone, pointing his finger to Fred.

With his hands half up in the air, Fred responded, "Hey hey! I'm the ones who come up with the nicknames. Remember?"

"Like GoGo and Honey Lemon, huh?" Tadashi added, still looking forward to meeting his female best friends.

"Yep! Them too."

"Speaking of which, here they are right now!" Wasabi claimed as Fred and Tadashi turned their heads toward the direction he was pointing at.

And there they were indeed. They are both very pretty, Tadashi thought. One seemed highly energetic, while the other seems to have a neutral personality. Yet, they both have a look of excitement in their eyes. They were both looking at him, and it looked like they were trying to choke back tears. It was the same looks Fred and Wasabi gave him earlier when he just arrived at the mall.

"TADASHI!" Honey Lemon was the first one to come rushing and encasing her arms around him. "Oh my gosh it's so great to see you!"

Tadashi hugged her back, "Hey Honey Lemon."

After her, it was GoGo's turn to give him a hug, "Hey Tadashi."

"Hey GoGo."

 _I'm gonna have to start getting used to everyone's real names. Or, maybe just these nicknames._

"We missed you so much," GoGo told him softly. Her tone sounded normal, but Tadashi can hear the emotions behind those words.

The thought of everyone close to him thinking he was dead was unsettling. He wished he didn't have to put his family and friends in that type of agony.

With GoGo's arms still around him, warm smiles from Fred and Wasabi, and a tear falling from Honey Lemon's cheeks as she continuously smiles at Tadashi, he told them, "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

The four of them had the whole day to reconnect with Tadashi. Of course, since Hiro had told them beforehand, they knew about Tadashi's memory loss. Moreover, Tadashi himself knows that they know. He was thankful Hiro had told them, because he didn't feel like hearing sympathies about losing the memories he wishes he can remember. It would only cause more heartaches for himself and his friends.

For the rest of the day, all five of them went to an arcade, a bowling alley, a movie theater, and stopped by a few comic book stores along the way because Fred wanted too. Now, they are having dinner at a very popular Sushi restaurant. It was fun being able to go hang around the city of San Fransokyo. Having grown up in this city, Tadashi wishes he can experience the city life like this more. He was glad to have friends like this who constantly hangs around the city.

And then comes the problem...

For some reason, now that Tadashi is back with them again, everyone seems to have the feeling of "just like old times." They are doing the things they used to do with him before the accident. The past few years with his friends seemed to be worth remembering. Now that Tadashi is back, they feel that everything is "back to normal."

 _Too bad I can't have that feeling. I can't remember the "old times," and I was part of those cherished moments. I don't feel like everything is "back to normal." As a matter of fact, everything feels so... abnormal._

Tadashi massaged his temples, not wanting his emotions taking over the good time he's having.

"Hey Tadashi, can't you believe it?"

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Honey Lemon called him, trying to hide in a laughter.

"Wasabi spilled some wasabi on his shirt again," Honey Lemon told him.

"I guess we should all be glad that we call you Wasabi," GoGo remarked, "Good job choosing the nickname Fred."

"My pleasure," Fred commented proudly.

Wasabi rolled his eyes playfully at them while they all laughed. In addition, he was having quite a hard time wiping the wasabi off, and can see that he stained his shirt.

"Darn it! My mom just bought me this shirt too!" He shouted in dismay while the others continued laughing.

 _Must have been funny, that day when Wasabi received his nickname. I can't remember it though. I can't remember how everyone received their nickname. Do I even have a nickname?_

"Then maybe you can invent something to get rid of that stain," Fred asserted, "Like that shrink ray I told you guys about! Could probably shrink that stain so it can't be noticeable."

"For the billionth time Fred," Wasabi responded, "Not. Science."

"Oh my goodness. And I still can't believe you guys think that me turning into a fire-breathing lizard is not science either."

"Fred, it's not," Honey Lemon told him as kindly as possible.

"Then how abou-"

"Uh uh uh," GoGo interrupted him, "Don't even start with invisible sandwich again."

The four of them went on and on for a good chunk of time, while trying to include Tadashi in the conversation. Tadashi respected that, and he felt that all four of them were cool, interesting people. They are all so different in their own unique way, but they manage to get along. Tadashi would love to have these people as his best friends.

 _But they are my best friends. I just can't remember... Can't remember at all._

It sucked. He wishes he can remember meeting these four. He wishes he can remember when they were all freshman in college and they knew absolutely nothing about each other. That's the beauty of friendships; You start off knowing nothing about them, but you slowly get to know them and they become friends that last a lifetime. The best part about having a group of best friends is that everyone got to know each other gradually.

But seeing how Tadashi lost his memory of all that, it is like the four of them already knew each other, and Tadashi was just introduced today. It surely felt like he never met them at all, and now he's trying to force himself in a clique. Since he's trying to "force" himself in, then the whole concept of friendship is wrong.

These thoughts. They plague his mind. It is unfair. Unfair to him. Unfair to his friends.

"Tadashi, are you okay?"

Honey Lemon snapped him out of his thoughts once again.

"I..."

 _No don't do it. You guys are all having a great time. Don't leave them hanging._

"I just..."

 _Don't leave. Don't leave just yet._

"I just remembered," he finally spoke, "I have to go help Hiro with something. Sorry guys, I have to go."

And just like that, he got up and left his twenty dollars on the table along with another "I'm sorry" before heading out the restaurant. He tried to make himself sound like he was in a rush.

 _It was the best thing to do. I just can't sit there letting these thoughts linger in my mind. It crushes my mood. I just can't be around them with a sour mood. It's not fair to them._

Of course, his friends knew he wasn't in a rush to go help Hiro with "something." He was in a rush to get away. Though the four of them understood his position, they can't help but feel saddened.

"How long is he going to be like this?" Wasabi questioned, "It's been over a week already."

"It's his memory loss dude," Fred answered, "He's not taking it well."

"Agreed," Honey Lemon added, "He often seemed distracted today. I can tell by the look on his face. It's bothering him."

Everyone's mood dampened the moment Tadashi walked out that door. He's their best friend. Their best friend that was a victim of an accident caused by their professor. It hurt them painfully when they thought he was dead, and now, it almost hurts just as much to see that he knows nothing of them. It's like Tadashi remains "dead" to them.

"I know the he lost his memory," Wasabi commented, "But I just want him to open up to us again. Just because he forgot about us, doesn't mean he's not our best friend anymore. He just has to let us in."

"I feel the same way dude," Fred replied, "I guess we just have to give him some time."

GoGo looked at her empty plate, worrying for their best friend but still clinging on to hope. "He'll be back," she spoke to her friends as well as herself, "Tadashi is still there. He'll be back."

* * *

Ever since he got home, Tadashi remained in his bed. No matter what, he can't seem to feel better. All the countless visits to the doctor turned out to be pointless, and the many visits to particular therapists led to the same results as well. He was hoping that having a night out with his friends would help, but by the end of the day, his state of mind remained unchanged.

Seriously, all he wants is his memory back. He tried the doctors, therapists, friends, and even punching Callaghan in the face. He went through all that time and effort only to find that nothing about him would change. What more can he bargain for?

 _It's permanent._

 _The memory loss._

 _You won't be able to remember them again._

 _Bur you can cope with it._

 _You can move on._

 _Right?_

But how? It's been proven by the doctors that nothing can trigger his memory, much to his dismay. How unfortunate, because all he wants are all those precious memories back. He wants to remember the great times with his "best friends," and how he met them. He also wants to remember helping Hiro achieve a great accomplishment. He even wants to know how the hell he even got close to Professor Callaghan in the first place.

Moreover, he wants his knowledge back. Clearly, he's probably been studying his ass off since he got accepted to the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, and he most likely continued doing so after the acceptance. That explains how he was able to create Baymax. Unfortunately, the tremendous amount of knowledge he obtained was lost along with his memories. What's he going to do? Restart his junior and senior year of high school all over again? Restart his early years of college too? Make new friends while remaining much older than everyone else?

All these thoughts, they plague him. It's distracting. It's annoying. It's hurtful. It's painful.

He needed something to stop it. He needed his mind to think of something else. That's why on his way back home, he made a stop at the liquor store.

Just then, Hiro came walking into the bedroom.

"Hey Tadashi."

"Wwwwwatsup Hiro."

"Long day at school. Had to spend the whole day studying for the medical microbiology test coming up."

"Grossss! Sounds annoying, hehe."

Hiro found the tone of his voice to be off. Way off. He seemed to be out of the zone.

Then, on Tadashi's drawer, he saw three empty beer bottles. Empty.

"Tadashi... you drank all those?" He asked sadly, disappointment evident in his tone.

Looking over to where Hiro pointed, Tadashi replied, "Ohhhh oops. What started with one ended up with all three. Ehhhhhh, maybe should've bought two more."

"Are you freaking kidding me Tadashi?" Hiro was saddened by his brother's change of behavior. He was not the type to drink alcohol, especially like this. He's still a little bit underage for crying out loud! Did he use a fake ID to buy them or something? It seems that as the days goes by, he just gets worst.

"No I'm not kidding! Or am I? Yeah... I'm not."

He was drunk. Should he tell Aunt Cass? No, that would just make things worse.

"How about you just go to bed, Tadashi?" That was all Hiro can suggest. There's nothing he can do at the moment. After all, his older brother is looking way off. He's bound to fall asleep anytime soon. He's way out of it.

"Greeaaaat idea!" He exclaimed groggily.

After that, Hiro put the blankets over his brother before heading out the room to take a shower. "Goodnight bro," he said as he turned off the lights.

"Good... night."

Unbeknownst to Tadashi, Hiro keeps getting hurt by him as the days go by. That's because that person is not his brother. That is not Tadashi. Has he truly died in the fire? The thought of that hurts Hiro, and the shower took much longer than expected.

* * *

 **The explosion took quite a toll right? Oh Tadashi.**


	4. Depression

**Stage 4: Depression**

* * *

Hopeless.

That was all Tadashi felt while laying in bed. It seems that there's nothing else to do on a casual morning, at least for him. Even when the sun's shining on this nice, warm day, it's hard to feel any sort of hope.

Hope is pretty annoying anyway. Why have it? It'll crush you later. Things never go the way you want them to, right? The world does not revolve around you, right?

Clearly not, and Tadashi suffers because of it. Is he selfish? Maybe, but would people blame him? He is just a guy who wants to work hard and make changes. At least he WAS. He lost all memory of the most important days of his life, and the knowledge he obtained during that time was lost as well. Why start all over? He worked hard enough, and doesn't feel like doing it all over again. Surely it would be much harder to redo his life a second time.

Hiro goes to his school now. Hiro hangs out with his "best friends." Hiro took his place.

Tadashi does not remember his friends. He doesn't even know how he got close to that group, and he'll never be in the same classes with them ever again. He'll always be behind.

Nothing left for him to do now but just lay there in bed. Alcohol had to be used every now and then of course, despite Hiro's sadness.

 _Sorry Hiro, but what else can I do?_

There was even a consideration for weed. _How about drugs?_ _No. No. No. Maybe? Should I?As long as Hiro doesn't find out though..._

Tadashi would often ask himself: Would he ever stoop that low? Other times, he would tell himself that "desperate times call for desperate measures." That's how he got used to alcohol in the first place. Being drunk helped get rid of some pains. Some.

It's been a little over a month already since the explosion. Nothing has changed. He rarely talks with his friends. He even receives sad and/or disappointing looks from Hiro and Aunt Cass. The whole world seems to have forgotten about Tadashi. Did he truly die in the fire? Who is this man with the large scar on the side of his cheek?

"ARGH!" He shouted as he harshly through his pillow across the room. Thank goodness Hiro and Aunt Cass weren't here. He had to let out some emotions.

Suddenly, much to his surprise, Tadashi heard a technology-like noise coming from Hiro's end of the room. _Baymax's charging station._ After the short beeping, the red box opened up and Baymax deflated out.

Sitting up from his bed, Tadashi watched in amazement as Baymax walked carefully to his side of the room.

"Hello, Tadashi. I heard you cry out in distress. What seems to be the problem?"

 _Fascinating._

To think that he created this magnificent, talking robot was surreal to him. According to Hiro, Baymax is programmed with over ten thousand medical procedures. How the hell did Tadashi ever manage to construct something like that? Despite its non-threatening, huggable design, Baymax still looks pretty bad ass. A robot designed to help a lot of people, that is something Tadashi would have loved creating. He's always wanting to help a lot of people.

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"

Tadashi was snapped out of his thoughts when he realized he was zoning out. "Oh, heya, Baymax. No I- I'm fine."

"I will scan you now," Baymax insisted.

 _Wow, he can even scan me._

"I see no evidence of physical injuries. However, your neurotransmitter levels indicate that your are experiencing depression."

 _Well, you got me there._

Tadashi sighed, "I guess I am huh?"

"Though I may not cure you of depression," Baymax stated, "I know of ways that can help you fight it."

"I don't think you can help me out of this one buddy," Tadashi commented.

"You are my patient," Baymax assured, "And you are also my creator. I would like to help."

Tadashi smiled, but not necessarily because he's happy. This robot, it, or he, is simply amazing. Though he may not remembering creating it, or him, he is sure damn proud of doing so.

"Thanks Baymax," Tadashi replied, "But this is something I'm going to have to deal with on my own. I don't think you, or anyone can help me out. I'll just deal with this myself. You can go deflate back into your... uh, charging thing."

It really was true. Depression is tough. It's nearly impossible to cure. Tadashi remembers the time when his parents died. The whole world stopped, and there was that overwhelming feeling of a dead end in his life. There was nothing to look forward to anymore. No one to take care of him, no one to love him, and no one to protect him. It wasn't until Tadashi realized that it wasn't entirely about him, but his little brother too. That was when Tadashi helped take care of Hiro, as well as loving and protecting him. Of course, he was lucky enough to have Aunt Cass in his life. That was when Tadashi started to fulfill his parents' role; by being a loving brother to Hiro. Moreover, that was when Tadashi was able to fight against depression. He had Aunt Cass and Hiro.

Indeed, he was able to fight through depression. However, having recently survived an explosion and having no memory of his achievements or his friends, Tadashi is thrown back into the path of a dead end again. Starting his last three years of living all over again is definitely much harder than it sounds, especially when the most important moments of his life were all in those three years. Hiro is already way ahead of him, and it'll take Tadashi forever to get back on track.

 _It's so unfair._

"It is highly possible for you to get better Tadashi," Baymax assured yet again, "Your brother was in a worse position than you when he thought you died."

Tadashi eyes opened a little more and he looked directly at Baymax. He never thought of this before. Tadashi himself was always there for Hiro whenever he needed him. What will Hiro be like if Tadashi wasn't there for him anymore? According to Baymax, Hiro did not take it lightly.

"And how did you end up helping Hiro?" Tadashi asked curiously.

"I downloaded a database on personal loss," Baymax answered, "Treatments include contact with friends and loved ones. Would you like me to contact them now?"

Though Tadashi does believe that Baymax is providing him the correct information, he still wants to refuse. He doesn't want to let his emotions screw things up again, like that time he went out with his four "best friends."

"No thanks Baymax," Tadashi said, "I really want to settle this by myself."

As Tadashi prepared to go back to bed, Baymax came and encased his arms around him.

"Uh, Baymax?"

"Other treatments include compassion and physical reassurance," Baymax stated as he patted Tadashi's head, "There there, you will be alright."

"Heh heh, thanks."

After parting from a much-needed hug, Baymax spoke once more, "I am sorry about the fire. I am here for you, and so are your friends. Hiro will be there for you as well, and he will love doing so."

Tadashi smiled, "Thanks Baymax."

"Are you satisfied with your care?"

He managed to receive some information that he already knew of, but never really focused on. Tadashi knew that fighting through this depression will be challenging, for he has gone through depression before. However, Baymax was able to provide him with a sense of hope, even when he felt none of it earlier.

"I am."

And Baymax walked back to his station.

 _... I am._

* * *

 ** _The conversation with Tadashi and Baymax is sort of a deja vu right? =D  
_**


	5. Acceptance

**5th & Final Stage: Acceptance**

* * *

 _Maybe I am going to stoop this low._

That's what Tadashi thought to himself while holding the bag of weed in his hands. He was getting sick of alcohol, and getting drunk was starting to become pointless anyway.

Weed, that was a different thing. This was suppose to make him "high." They say that it will give this "buzzing" feeling in your head. Your head will "fizz." Most likely, you will want to do nothing but sit and stare blankly. That's what it's like being "high."

 _Sounds quite peaceful._

Being depressed all the time was starting get on his nerves. Maybe weed was just what he needed. It wasn't hard getting it. All he had to do was walk to the sketchy parts of San Fransokyo with some cash and the luck of not getting mugged. It wasn't hard to obtain weed from the "stoners" selling it to him. Funny though, Tadashi thought he would become like those "stoners" once he gets use to weed. They looked calm, with no care in the world. That's the type of mindset that Tadashi envied: To not care for anything, no matter how unfair the world can be. All he wanted was to be at peace.

As he was getting his blunt ready, Hiro walked in.

Tadashi clenched his eyes shut. _Of course, Hiro would walk in just at this moment._

To Hiro, it was like seeing a stranger in his house. A stranger about to do something bad, kind of like a robber. Actually, it is a stranger. Who is this young man in his bedroom with a blunt in his hands? And a bag of weed too? This is not Tadashi Hamada.

"Tadashi... What are you doing?"

The tone in his little brother's voice is a tone that haunts him quite often at night. The tone shows Hiro's disappointment, but that wasn't the only thing. Sadness and fear can be felt when Hiro speaks in that specific tone. Sadness that shows that he barely recognizes his older brother anymore, and fear that shows that he doesn't want to lose his older brother again. And that's the problem: Hiro did lose Tadashi.

Tadashi must have been so caught up in his thoughts because he didn't recognize Hiro walking up to him and snatching that blunt away.

"What the hell Tadashi?"

Again with that tone.

"I have nothing to say Hiro," Tadashi spoke, "Aside from telling you to back off and letting me do whatever I want to."

He can see the hurt in his little brother's eyes after he said that. It wasn't meant to be malicious though. If Hiro backed off, then he is less likely to get hurt. Tadashi tried to tell him in the nicest way possible.

"Are you kidding me?" Hiro cried. His eyes were getting wet, and it pained Tadashi. "Your my brother, I just want to help you!" He screamed as he threw the blunt on the ground.

"And I'm trying to help you," Tadashi replied as calmly as possible, "Look, things are different now, okay? It's hard to change me, and you'll end up hurting yourself by trying to do so. That's why I'm telling you to back off. It's for the best."

 _It's true._

"So what?" Hiro rebuked, "I'm suppose to watch my one and only brother destroy himself every day?!"

"Can't you see Hiro?" Tadashi's mind was teeming, "I'm already dead. I can't recover what I lost in the fire. My memory was lost, and my personality with it. I'm already dead Hiro!"

Hiro hated hearing that. He let a tear escape his eyes. Gosh, how he hated hearing that, but he refuses to believe it.

"NO YOUR NOT!" Hiro shouts as he pushes him, "Your my brother ! My one and only brother! The guy who took care of me. The guy who pushes me to do better! The guy who makes sure I become a good person! The guy who made me feel safe and protected, especially since I didn't have a mom or a dad."

Tadashi watched sadly as the tears fell down his cheeks. The words coming out of his little brother's mouth made his heart ache.

"Come on... Tadashi," Hiro pleaded.

 _Your making this too damn hard Hiro._

"Hiro..." Tadashi spoke softly, "What can I do? I can't remember getting accepted to college. I can't remember helping you get accepted to my dream school. I can't remember the look of satisfaction you gave me once you received your acceptance. I can't even remember how proud of you I was Hiro! I only hear it from Aunt Cass!"

Hiro stayed silent and let his older brother continue.

"What can I do? How can I reapply? How can I receive the proper education to get back in when I lost it all?"

"I... I don't know," Hiro confessed, "But there are always solutions! There's lots of GED programs in the city that can help." That was the best answer he can come up with.

Tadashi saw how his little brother tried his best to come up with appropriate solutions, but it wasn't as easy as it sounds. "And what about my friends, Hiro? GoGo, Wasabi, Honey Lemon, and Fred? I can't even remember Baymax!"

"Well... You can... Uhmm..." Hiro was struggling to find something to say. Words came out of his mouth, but it was just nonsense. What can he say? He knows hope is not over for Tadashi, but the right words can't seem to come out of his mouth.

 _Just what I thought, nothing._

"You see Hiro?" Tadashi spoke with an in-your-face type of attitude, "Things are different now. I'm different. You can't just change what's already been done."

Once he finished his sentence, Tadashi picked up the blunt that Hiro threw on the ground. Disgusted and hurt that Tadashi would continue these habits, Hiro continued to let the tears fall. That's something Tadashi can't take anymore.

"Hiro, come on," Tadashi pleaded, "You have your whole life ahead of you. You are destined to do great things." He tried to smile as he placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. "You'll succeed in life. You and that big brains of yours. Go and live your life, become happy, and do the things I wasn't able to do. Go and accomplish things that I couldn't accomplish."

Hiro tried his best to absorb all the comfort Tadashi tried to give him, but it wasn't enough. It was nowhere near to being close enough. There was one thing in his life he needed that would make him happy.

"I'm nothing without my brother," Hiro choked out.

 _..._

Silence. Nothing but the two brothers looking at each other with different kinds of pains in their eyes. One brother needed the other, but the other brother didn't know who he was or what he was trying to become.

Tadashi looked at the blunt in his hands. Oh how he wished to smoke the weed he had recently bought. That was the only thing that would mentally send him to another world. A world away from this one, where there is so much stress and heartaches.

Tadashi had only one thing to say to Hiro, and he wanted to believe it was true. Maybe it is true. "Tadashi is dead, Hiro."

"NO NO NO," Hiro cried out. This time, he was actually crying. The tears in his eyes fell tremendously and the hurt in his face was clearly expressed. "I lost my brother once, okay? It was horrible. Those were the worst days of my life. I remember being at your funeral, your grave. The day where I learned that my one and only brother will never be in my life again. My brother who protected me against the big, bad bullies. My brother who always knew how to cheer me up even when things go bad. My brother who knew how to put a smile on my face. My brother... who never gave up on me and is the reason why I'm where I'm at in life."

Tadashi watched as his little brother poured his heart out. A tear was able to escape Tadashi's eye as well, right down his scar on the side of his cheek.

"My brother..." Hiro continued, "Who I loved so much, was gone. Now that he's back, I'm not alone anymore. No matter how many friends I make, Tadashi Hamada was and is the only one who made my world go round. He was the only one who gave me a purpose in life.

Hiro tried his best to look at his brother sternly in the eyes, "I'm not ready to lose him again. I don't want to go through the pain again."

Another tear was able to escape Tadashi's eyes. All of a sudden, the weed had more purpose now. He was sick and tired of all the emotional stress between himself and his loved ones. He was sick of getting accustomed to this new life and loss of memory. The pain was too much. Not just for himself, but the people around him.

 _Fuck Callaghan. Fuck myself. Fuck the whole damn world!_

He hated this feeling. He hated it absolutely. The only thing that can get rid of this pain is the blunt in his hands. Only weed can give him another mindset. All he wanted to do now is mentally go to another world where he can just sit and stare. No stress, no worries, and no pain. Ignoring Hiro's sniffles and tear-filled glare, Tadashi moved away from him with the blunt in his hand and picked up the bag of weed.

Once he walked pass Hiro, his little brother continued to cry. He truly lost his brother. That's what he thought when he cried and watched his older brother walk away from. However, what he saw was different. Tadashi was standing over the trash can.

 _..._

 _..._

 _For you, Hiro._

 _..._

 _..._

 _I'm not going to hurt myself anymore. I'm not going to hurt you anymore either, Hiro. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care where my life leads. I'll do whatever it takes to look for success. I'll do whatever I can to become what I've always wanted to do in life... But I'm doing this for you, Hiro. When you're happy, I'm happy._

 _..._

 _For you, Hiro._

And Tadashi threw the blunt and bag of weed in the trash. He didn't want to go to that "other world" where he can just sit and stare. He wanted to be in a world where he can take care of his brother.

Because just like Hiro, Tadashi needed his brother. His younger brother gave him a purpose in life.

After all, things happen for a reason... _Right?_ Callaghan was the cause of his "death," but if it wasn't for Callaghan, his daughter would have never been found. Sure, Tadashi seemed to play a role of a means for an end. His death had to take place for Abigail to be found, but then again, Tadashi survived. Sure, no one knew it at the time. It wasn't until a month later when the unknown survivor at the hospital was confirmed to be Tadashi Hamada. But he did survive though. And in the end, Tadashi and Abigail were both proven to be alive. Two people that were thought as dead, were actually alive.

 _I guess I can accept that._

It'll take time to get used to his loss of memory. It'll take time to reconnect with his friends again. It'll be quite challenging to restart a chunk of his life all over again. It's okay though, Tadashi has his family. He has Hiro. Sure, things will never be the same, but in a matter of time, things should get better. Things WILL get better.

Tadashi turned to face his little brother, "I'm your brother. I'm not going anywhere."

This time, more tears came down from Hiro's eyes. But this time, they were tears of joy and relief. He ran to his older brother and wrapped his arms around him. It was the same type of brotherly hug they would give each other all the time. "I love you big bro," Hiro choked out.

"I love you too," Tadashi spoke sincerely, "Little bro."

Things will never be the same, but things WILL get better. Tadashi will accept that.

* * *

 _The end._

* * *

 **And that's the end. Sorry if it seems that there could have been lots of things that I could have touched upon, but like I said in the beginning, this is a five-chaptered fic. The only focus is Tadashi Hamada. Though he may seem out of character, that is the point of the story. A traumatic event can do that to someone. However, as you just read, Tadashi accepts his life the way it is not only for himself, but especially for Hiro. Doing something for his brother, that is the Tadashi we all know and love. =)**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed the angsty, dramatic Tadashi!**

 **#TadashiLives (had to hashtag that xD)**


End file.
